Caring for an aging parent often starts small: a ride to an appointment, help with the pill box, a daily phone call. Over months it can grow into a second job, layered on top of work, a marriage and your own health. Many caregivers find real meaning in it. Many also reach a point where they are running on empty without quite noticing.

You are far from alone. A CDC analysis of national survey data found that about one in five adults had provided care to a family member or friend in the previous 30 days.

Why caregivers’ own health slips

The National Institute on Aging notes that caregivers are less likely to get preventive care such as annual checkups, and tend to have higher rates of physical and mental health problems, sleep problems and conditions like high blood pressure. The time goes to someone else’s appointments, and your own get postponed.

Warning signs of caregiver stress

The NIA lists these signs. Learning your own early warnings makes it easier to act before you are completely overwhelmed:

  • Feeling exhausted, overwhelmed or anxious
  • Becoming easily angered or impatient
  • Feeling lonely or cut off from others
  • Trouble sleeping, or not getting enough sleep
  • Feeling sad or hopeless, or losing interest in things you used to enjoy
  • Frequent headaches, pain or other physical problems
  • No time to exercise or cook proper meals for yourself
  • Skipping your own basic care
  • Relying more on alcohol or medicines, including prescription drugs

If sadness or hopelessness lasts more than a couple of weeks, that may be depression, which is treatable. Our article on depression in older adults lists the signs, and they apply at any age. If you ever feel you might harm yourself or the person you care for, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.

Asking for help, and making it specific

Many caregivers say they did too much on their own. The NIA suggests a few ways to make asking easier:

  • Keep a running list of tasks, so when someone offers, they can pick one.
  • Start with small, concrete requests: one grocery run, one afternoon visit, one ride.
  • Match the task to the person. A sibling who lives far away may handle insurance calls or bills.
  • Use text or email if asking face to face is hard.
  • Expect some people to say no, and do not take it personally.

Family is not the only source of help. The NIA suggests telling your own doctor that you are a caregiver, talking with a counselor, contacting your local senior center or Area Agency on Aging, and asking your faith community about support groups.

Respite: a real break

Respite care is short-term care that gives the main caregiver time off. The NIA describes several forms: family, friends or volunteers stepping in, in-home aides, adult day programs, and state or veterans’ programs. For someone receiving hospice care, Medicare covers most of the cost of up to five consecutive days of respite in a hospital or skilled nursing facility. Some long-term care insurance policies cover respite too.

To find local services, the federal Eldercare Locator at 800-677-1116 connects families with Area Agencies on Aging and community programs, including caregiver support.

Looking after yourself in practice

  • Keep your own appointments. Put your checkup on the calendar as firmly as your parent’s.
  • Protect sleep. Aim for seven to nine hours, with regular bed and wake times when you can.
  • Move a little every day. A short walk counts.
  • Eat real meals. Batch cooking or a meal service can help on heavy weeks.
  • Keep one thing that is yours. A standing tennis game, a weekly lunch, an hour with a book.
  • Find people who understand. Caregiver support groups, in person or online, can be a relief.

Paperwork helps too. Having your parent’s medication list, doctors and advance directives in one place saves hours in a crisis. See our articles on concierge care for aging parents and Florida advance directives.

At Legacy Medical, members reach the practice by phone at any hour, and Dr. Shtern coordinates specialists and is affiliated with Jupiter Medical Center and Palm Beach Gardens Medical Center, which takes some of the load off family. With your parent’s permission, she can keep you informed. Our page on care for families explains how that works, and the first visit is a complimentary meet and greet.

This article is general information, not advice for your situation. Members can call the office with questions about their own care.